By Malia Artibello
This blog is a summary of our published article: Shoikhedbrod, A., Rosen, N. O., Corsini-Munt, S., Harasymchuk, C., Impett, E. A., & Muise, A. (2023). Being responsive and self-determined when it comes to sex: How and why sexual motivation is associated with satisfaction and desire in romantic relationships. The Journal of Sex Research, 60(8), 1113-1125. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2022.2130132
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Having a sexually satisfying romantic relationship has a host of benefits that lead to longer, healthier, and happier lives [1]. Even for individuals in a satisfying sexual relationship, it is possible to have different sexual interests from their partner. These different interests may lead to a partner having to weigh their own sexual needs versus their partner’s, which may pose a dilemma [2]. Individuals who can assert their own sexual needs and be responsive to the needs of their partner are said to have high sexual communal strength. In contrast, individuals who tend to neglect their own sexual needs in order to respond to their partner’s needs have high unmitigated sexual communion [3]. Research shows that sexual communal strength is associated with greater relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and sexual desire. Whereas unmitigated sexual communion is associated with lower satisfaction [3].
A second aspect of a couple’s sexual relationship are reasons for engaging in sexual activity. First, autonomous reasons for sex refers to engaging in sex because one enjoys and values it. On the other hand, controlled reasons for sex refers to engaging in sex because one feels pressured or obligated to do so. Research suggests that participating in sexual activity for autonomous reasons has a more positive effect on one’s relationship than doing so for controlled reasons [4].
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What did we want to know?
In this study we tested whether people higher in sexual communal strength report more autonomous reasons for engaging in sex, if people higher in unmitigated communion report more controlled reasons for engaging in sex, and if these reasons accounted for differences in motivations for sex, sexual satisfaction, and sexual desire, and relationship satisfaction in romantic relationships.
What did we do?
We conducted two studies where we asked couple members to complete surveys independently from one another. These surveys asked participants about their sexual motivations, sexual and relationship satisfaction, and sexual desire.
In Study 1, 103 couples (206 participants) completed a survey at a single time point.
In Study 2, a longitudinal study, 147 couples (294 participants) completed a baseline survey, then completed a 15-minute survey every day for 21 consecutive days. Then, 3 months later, each participant completed a follow up survey.
What did we find?
Across our two studies, we consistently found that those with higher sexual communal strength reported engaging in sex for more autonomous reasons and less controlled reasons. These individuals showed significantly higher relationship and sexual satisfaction, and sexual desire, as did their partners.
On the other hand, people with higher unmitigated sexual communion reported engaging in sex for more controlled reasons and less autonomous reasons. These individuals reported lower relationship and sexual satisfaction and lower sexual desire. There were no associations with their partner’s satisfaction or desire.
Interestingly, the associations described above were found at a single time-point (Study 1) as well as across a 21-day period and at a three-month follow-up (Study 2).
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels
What does this mean?
Our findings suggest that being motivated to meet your partner’s sexual needs can lead to relationship and sexual benefits for both partners, but only if one also attends to their own needs. Sacrificing one’s own needs for the sake of their partner’s needs can have negative effects on one’s own and their partner’s relationship and sexual wellbeing. Our findings also suggest that promoting more autonomous and less controlled reasons for engaging in sex can increase sexual communal strength, thereby, fostering relationship and sexual quality.
References
[1] Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Layton, J. B., & Brayne, C. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7). https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
[2] Mark, K. P., & Murray, S. H. (2012). Gender differences in desire discrepancy as a predictor of sexual and relationship satisfaction in a college sample of heterosexual romantic relationships. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 38(2), 198–215. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2011.606877
[3] Muise, A., & Impett, E. A. (2016). Applying theories of communal motivation to sexuality. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 10(8), 455–467. https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12261
[4] Gravel, E. E., Reissing, E. D., & Pelletier, L. G. (2020). The ebb and flow of sexual well-being: The contributions of basic psychological needs and autonomous and controlled sexual motivation to daily variations in sexual well-being. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(7), 2286–2306. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520921558
