By Alice Bourne and Grace Schwenck
This blog is a summary of our published article:
Vaillancourt-Morel, M. P., Rosen, N. O., Bőthe, B., & Bergeron, S. (2023). Partner Knowledge of Solitary Pornography Use: Daily and Longitudinal Associations with Relationship Quality. The Journal of Sex Research, 1-13. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2023.2219254
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The expansion of technology has made pornography (or porn) more widely accessible. The use of porn is a sexual activity often done alone, and individuals in a romantic relationship may also engage in porn use. Studies show that in romantic relationships, 34% to 67% of women and 71% to 97% of men report using porn or that their partner uses porn [1, 2]. Of these partnered individuals, nearly 70% of women and 80% of men report that more than half of their pornography use occurs without their partner [2]. Although using porn alone while in a relationship is common, current research shows mixed effects for couples’ relationship quality. It is possible that how couples communicate about porn use, or a partner’s knowledge of their partner’s porn use, may play a role in the effects of porn use on relationship quality.
What did we want to know?
We wanted to know how using porn alone is linked to one’s own and their partner’s relationship satisfaction and intimacy, on a daily level and over the course of a year.
Specifically, when examining porn use, our study looked at the effects of known porn use (their partner knows about the use) and unknown porn use (their partner does not know about the use).
What did we do?
Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels
Photo by Greta Hoffman on Pexels
What did we find?
We found that 69% of women, 33% of men, and 42% of non-binary individuals reported never using porn alone during the diary period. Of those that used porn alone during this period, only 7% of women and men and 4% of non-binary individuals reported that all of their use was known by their partner.
When participants reported using porn without their partner and that this use was unknown:
- The individual themselves reported lower relationship satisfaction and intimacy that day
- However, higher frequency of unknown use was not linked to changes in one’s own relationship satisfaction and intimacy over the year
- We found no daily or long-term effects of unknown use for partner’s relationship satisfaction or intimacy
When participants reported using porn without their partner and that this use was known:
- Higher frequency of known use was linked to an increase in one’s own reported intimacy, and a decrease in their partner’s reported intimacy, over the year
- We found no daily effects for one’s own, or their partner’s, relationship satisfaction or intimacy
What does this mean?
Our findings suggest that one’s use of porn on their own may not always be known by their partner. On days when this use is unknown, individuals may feel the burden of concealing information from a partner, which has been linked to lower relationship satisfaction [3]. On the other hand, it is possible that individuals may be more likely to use porn on days when they are feeling less satisfied with their relationship or less intimacy, and may be less likely to disclose this use to a partner. However, the daily links between an individual’s unknown porn use and their own reported lower relationship quality did not persist over time, suggesting that these are short-term effects.
Over time, when an individual reported greater frequency of porn use alone that was known by their partner, the individual reported increased intimacy, and their partner reported decreased intimacy. For the individual themselves, disclosing their porn use may increase sex-related discussions and disclosures, which may increase feelings of intimacy over time. For partners, however, they may feel that they are not meeting their partner’s sexual needs when they learn that their partner is using porn on their own, leading to a poorer intimate connection.
Overall, the results of our study highlight the complexity of the associations between knowledge of a partner’s porn use and couple members’ relationship quality. Fostering ongoing, open communication about use of porn alone, exploring partners’ feelings, and establishing boundaries and expectations around use may help protect couples from the potential negative effects of pornography.
References
[1] Carroll, J. S., Busby, D. M., Willoughby, B. J., & Brown, C. C. (2017). The porn gap: Differences in men’s and women’s pornography patterns in couple relationships. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 16(2), 146-163. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2016.1238796
[2] Willoughby, B. J., & Leonhardt, N. D. (2020). Behind closed doors: Individual and joint pornography use among romantic couples. The Journal of Sex Research, 57(1), 77-91. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2018.1541440
[3] Uysal, A., Lin, H. L., Knee, C. R., & Bush, A. L. (2012). The association between self- concealment from one’s partner and relationship well-being. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(1), 39-51. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167211429331
[4] Mallory, A. B. (2022). Dimensions of couples’ sexual communication, relationship satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction: A meta-analysis. Journal of Family Psychology, 36(3), 358. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/fam0000946
